Trapped

Have you ever watch the Discovery Channel, particularly one of the specials on lions? You know, the ones that you think are educational for your 6 year old until they start mating on film? Oh, that hasn't happened to you? Well, wish I could say the same! Along with the mating scene, they always show the lions feeding, they show the whole process.

The pack of female lions, stalk their prey, watching, waiting, I imagine they lay there salivating, just patiently waiting for the perfect moment, watching for the easiest prey. Then, when the moment has arrived they dart out from all different hiding places in the tall, yellow, grass, charging towards the prey, coming at it from all different directions. The gazelle desperately trying to find salvation, darting to the left, then right, it turns to run back, looking for somewhere safe... But you can see it in the gazelles eyes, in it's body movements when it realizes it's trapped, when it then accepts defeat.

I'm a mother, of four, and I'm lots of other things too, one of those things is... a gazelle. Yep, you read that right, I'm a gazelle.  Have you caught on yet? Some of you are like, "Yo, what is this chick on???", and some of you know exactly what I'm saying!

I love, and adore my children, so much so that sometimes it hurts, but some days I feel so trapped! I would be lying if I said that everything is awesome, (everything is cool when you're part of a team, oops sorry) some days are awesome, and some days are just normal, and some days I feel like the gazelle. I feel trapped, like they are coming at me from all angles, salivating, ready to pounce, and no matter what I do or how hard I try I'm trapped, defeated...

There were times when I would be ashamed for feeling this, not wanting to tell anyone, feeling like a horrible mother for feeling trapped by my own children. I don't anymore, I know that it's okay, and that feeling trapped doesn't make me a terrible mom, or a bad person. It reminds me to be more than a mom, not just for myself but for my children. It gives me courage to be more, to be better. They see me cower, but they then see me rise.

See, unlike the gazelle that is then devoured by her stalker, I'm not really trapped, it's a mental, emotional state, and I'm capable of defeating it. Being a mom is amazing, but sometimes it is just overwhelming, all the roles you have to play, all the faces you have to wear.

Today, remember, YOU ARE AWESOME! You are not perfect, never will be, but you are awesome. You are awesome because you love, because you comfort, you dry tears, you wipe boogies, and wash butts, and kiss snotty faces, and you live as an example, you teach, you guide, you do so much more. Don't forget all you are, don't get caught up in the mistakes, in the moments you lose it, in the failures...

Talk to someone about your struggles, and your triumphs, let another know they're not alone. Thank you for taking the time to read this, it means a lot, and hopefully it strikes a chord with some.