Confession: Not really sure what to say

I haven't written in awhile, life at the Longwood house has been very busy these past few months. With that said, I guess there are some things I should catch you up on. If you have read my blog before, then you know that I had a miscarriage about 5 months ago leading me to make the decision to not have any more children and just enjoy the 3 we do have. Oops, that didn't go as planned because we found out soon after making that decision that we were expecting again! Needless to say I was very anxious about the news, unsure of whether to be excited or just expect the worst. All that aside, I'm happy to say that I am 4 months along with a very healthy baby. This doesn't have anything to do with my blog, but I just wanted to make the announcement before I proceeded.

Now where to begin, I had a sweet moment last night, while after being being upset with the kids behavior and my own, they felt they should pray for me, and then apologized for not listening, and I also apologized. I could write just about this, but because of the news today regarding the elementary school students, I feel like there are more things to consider. Last night was a reminder of how amazingly precious my, and all, babies are and then again today I was reminded.

Julian wakes up, and it's the same, almost everyday the rushing begins. Come on, let's go, you're going to miss the bus, hurry finish brushing, where are your shoes, why is your jacket not on yet..... Just a few of the things I shout out on a school day morning, rushing him around, pushing the others out of the way so that I'm not distracted and have him properly prepared for his day. Never stopping to consider how incredibly tense the school day already is, and that my shouting commands at him isn't preparing him at all for his day. I'm opening the door up for more anxiety and tension, rather than sending him off covered in peace, and filled with joy about his upcoming day.

Today, there are mothers that won't have the opportunity to wait at the bus for the babies, or stand in the obnoxious line outside the school door, or struggle to get their child to finish their homework, and stop pestering their siblings, and argue about what shows they can watch... They won't get that special hug that only your child can give you, they will miss a cheek to kiss tonight, they will miss that cry for mom in the middle of the night, they will miss the stinky smell of morning breath tomorrow morning asking for breakfast before the sun comes up. There are presents under trees, that will never be opened, birthdays not celebrated...

Why do we all wait for something tragic to touch us, to realize how short our time is, how short our children's time is, how unnecessary the rush of life is, and how necessary our love is. We get caught up in behavior, not being late, success in school and activities, that we lose focus of the beautiful gifts they are.

My prayers are for a peace that surpasses all understanding for all families involved, that if they don't know Gods love, that they are shown it now. My prayers are that all of us affected only by the sorrow it brings us to hear of such loss, are reminded of how important is to just love on our babies, to not take them for granted, but to embrace who they are and slow down to enjoy them. My prayers are that our world could see how badly it needs Jesus.

Nothing much else to say, I will do my best to not take my children for granted, and I pray that if I lose focus that something so tragic not be my reminder...